狂乱家族日記
Diary of The Frenzy Family
Name: Wee Wei Jie Elson
Nicknames: eL, Ikai
el_wave@hotmail.com
North view Primary, ACS Barker Road, Singapore sports school, ACS Independent, Ngee Ann Poly
Hobbies: reading mange, watching anime, swimming, sleeping
狂乱日記
Tuesday, January 27, 2009, 1/27/2009 02:40:00 AM
First thing first... I just got all my hong bao for the first day... still got second day to go.... kinda tired and a little irritated... go everywhere in singapore to my relative's house... first thing relatives will ask is: ' do you have a gf?' (irritating...)... see people of my age group... cannot evenfind any topic to talk... jus stay there alone doing nothing... waiting for hong bao to come...
at night play mahjong with family, try to talk, say i noisy, keep quiet, say i play too seriously... what they want me to do... lose money...say i talk too much... what the hell... fine so what i talk too much... do they even know, even though i may be talking happily, i do still feel lonely in the inside alright... making a fool out of myself... knowing no one will laugh... do not feel very good... let alone tht I have to make jokes out of myself...
See people from my past school, act like never see each other or talk a bit then no topic... See some of my cousins, dont even have a topic to talk...
Even though I always make a fool out of myself... I can always feel the distance in between people and me... so near yet so far... the more i joke the more people is carried away from my actual self...
I dont know is it because I still have the disability to actually trust anyone close or not close to me... but i DO know is that whenever I am with somebody or a group... no matter what we do together or talk together... the after taste I have is just emptiness... I feel very empty... I know all these really sound very emo... but this is really what i am feeling right now in the middle of chinese new year...
Quote
Even though I am always with everyone, why do I still feel so lonely and empty on the inside?
If a person do not wear a mask that decieve everyone of his real self, he cannot never survive in the world